trying to understand

This weekend definitely wasn't the best weekend I've had in some time. It started with trivial things and ended with true heartbreak for me and my fellow parishioners at Holy Souls.

I say trivial, because in the grand scheme of things--it is trivial. This was the first year in many years that I wasn't spending Mardi Gras weekend with my parents in the grand ol' city of New Orleans. It just caused for me to be a little bummed and to miss my Mama and Daddy--and my good friends (and family) in Southern Louisiana, but in the grand scheme of things, it was nothing that would keep me down.

Then Saturday rolled around and I read in the obituaries that my very best friend in high school had lost her little boy. I received a rush of emotions--we had lost contact years ago, and since before our high school reunion I had been trying to reconnect with her, with no success. Then to read about the pain she's going through in the newspaper, just nearly broke me. I want so badly to hold her, love her, let her know I have never stopped loving her--even during the years we have been separated. I have been praying for peace and comfort for her and her family since I heard the news. Why does this happen? Why does the Lord take away the little ones? I just can't understand it. It seems like it happens to so many families these days and it just breaks my heart. Please pray for the Brown family as they mourn the loss of their baby boy, Aiden Victor Brown.

Sunday was the worst blow for me, personally. Tim and I go to Holy Souls and have fallen in love with the community--with our pastor--with everything that is good about Holy Souls. We always attend the Sunday evening Mass, so we of course, had to hear the news from a friend that went to Sunday morning's Mass. Our beloved Monsignor was being forced to retire by the Bishop due to alcohol related issues. It has been made clear that no civil laws have been broken--that this is strictly an alcohol related issue.

Which leads me and many of my fellow parishioners asking, "Why?" Why are we supposed to turn our back on our beloved Monsignor if it truly is a disease that is the root of the problem?

Why are we supposed to take the word of a man that many of us have never met--over the absence of word from a man that many of us love and respect?

Why can't we get answers from both sides of the story?

Why? Why? Why?

I am grieving in a way that I didn't know possible. Holy Souls is usually the place we turn to when we feel lost--and this time it seems to be the source of the confusion. I just want answers, as do many of my fellow parishioners, and we're not getting them. It's devastating. It's confusing.

And with that said--Monsignor was scheduled to be our officiant in our wedding. So, we're having to find someone else (that we don't have a relationship with) to marry us. Icing on the cake, no? I just don't understand.

My faith teaches me that there is a reason for this--and that I should not question or try to understand. "Surely God is my Salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2.

But maybe it's just my personality. I want to know why. I want to understand. What happened? Why so sudden?

I understand that our priests have pledged their loyalty to their superiors and I understand that our Faith wishes us (the parish) to do the same. But at the same time, we do not know our superior and we know our priest. At the same time, we're all only human and can be misguided by our own emotions (this statement envelopes all involved: the parish, the priest and the superior).

So, it is very difficult for me--without both sides of the story to not feel angered and tricked. To feel wary of the true motives. To not question the intentions of those involved in the events leading up to this tragic announcement. To not be comforted by words that seemed more concerned with the well being of the deliverer and not the well being of the parish.

Clearly this situation is out of our control--and clearly, we'll need to lean on one another as a parish more so than we've done in the past. We have a lot of grieving and a lot of healing to do. And maybe accepting that we just may never understand. I beg you to keep our parish and our beloved Monsignor Thomas in your thoughts and prayers while we try to come to terms with recent events.

Msgr--you have been in my constant thoughts and prayers and will continue to remain there. My father greatly admires you as a soldier and I greatly admire you as my teacher and guidance in this spiritual life. While I don't know the full situation, I do not question that you are a very good man and that you have changed my life in such a positive way in these past four years I have gotten to know you. Tim and I love you and will keep you in our prayers. We will all overcome this with the power of prayer and our Faith in Him.


"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit." Psalm 34:18